You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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