If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
