bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
