Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
