Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
