please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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