now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
