another moral hangover. fuck.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
