Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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