Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
