I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
