I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize