No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
