Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
