I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
