I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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