she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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