omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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