even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
