Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
