i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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