so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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