they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
