the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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