I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize