Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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