well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
