he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
this boner is exhausting
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
