i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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