Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i need some magic done to my vagina
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
