After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize