I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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