Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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