The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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