john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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