I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
