I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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