i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
