Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
not ubering you a puppy
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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