you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
