you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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