No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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