just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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