oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
