i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
