so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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