Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize