Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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