I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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