my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What a dumb baby whore.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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