So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
