How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
