her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
