Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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