And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
