My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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