Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
