I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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