I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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