the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
