i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
