3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
