I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Randomize
