I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
