he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
