I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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