I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
