i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
